Ok, this is gona sound weird or horrible, but it's true - not everything is about you.
I think we all have bad days/weeks, when nothing goes right - and you start to feel like the whole world's turned against you. But trust me, it hasn't. Some days are just downright crappy, but it happens - and it happens to everyone. I'm not saying that you shouldn't pay heed to it - when stuff happens, of course it's important to you and why wouldn't it be? But don't expect it to be the most important thing to everybody else.
We've all worked beside someone who's gone through a hard time, and you want to support them through it because you'd expect the same in return. But there comes a point when you have to reign in the problem-sharing. After a while, all the support you get can turn into resentment, when colleagues are constantly picking up the slack. I'm currently working alongside someone who's father is suffering with a form of cancer. It's awful, and we've all sympathised with her, given her some slack and picked up the extra workload to cover. But months later and there's still no change - with cancer being the beast that it is, sufferers can survive for days, months or years and there's an element of unpredictability about it that makes it so horrendous. This colleague of mine is still wandering about aimlessly, not really doing her job and creating extra work for everybody else.
Now, I expect the situation with her dad to be the most important thing to her at the moment - in fact, I'd be worried if it wasn't. The problem is, she expects it to be the most important thing to everybody else too - when actually, everybody else has their own share of problems to deal with. And you have to question why somebody would come to work (and be picking up extra shifts) when they are so obviously not wanting to be there. It just causes extra strain for everyone, and not only are people starting to resent her for not doing her job properly when she's there, but also for the fact she's taking extra shifts away from everyone else.
The reason I'm writing about this is because I've been there - I've had some really crappy stuff happen to me over the years, and since I'm only in my early thirties I'm pretty sure there will be more to come as I get older. I made the mistake of making it all about me for too long, and have had to work hard to repair relationships with people who, quite rightly, got sick and tired of hearing about it. It's all too easy to be a victim and people will make allowances for it, for a while, but there comes a point when you have to take charge of whatever situation you're in and turn it around. Offloading your problems onto friends and family is great and I highly recommend it - but only if you are taking turnabout and being the "offloadee" when needed...because your friends are your greatest assets and you need that balance of give-and-take, otherwise they won't be your friends much longer...
I think we all have bad days/weeks, when nothing goes right - and you start to feel like the whole world's turned against you. But trust me, it hasn't. Some days are just downright crappy, but it happens - and it happens to everyone. I'm not saying that you shouldn't pay heed to it - when stuff happens, of course it's important to you and why wouldn't it be? But don't expect it to be the most important thing to everybody else.
We've all worked beside someone who's gone through a hard time, and you want to support them through it because you'd expect the same in return. But there comes a point when you have to reign in the problem-sharing. After a while, all the support you get can turn into resentment, when colleagues are constantly picking up the slack. I'm currently working alongside someone who's father is suffering with a form of cancer. It's awful, and we've all sympathised with her, given her some slack and picked up the extra workload to cover. But months later and there's still no change - with cancer being the beast that it is, sufferers can survive for days, months or years and there's an element of unpredictability about it that makes it so horrendous. This colleague of mine is still wandering about aimlessly, not really doing her job and creating extra work for everybody else.
Now, I expect the situation with her dad to be the most important thing to her at the moment - in fact, I'd be worried if it wasn't. The problem is, she expects it to be the most important thing to everybody else too - when actually, everybody else has their own share of problems to deal with. And you have to question why somebody would come to work (and be picking up extra shifts) when they are so obviously not wanting to be there. It just causes extra strain for everyone, and not only are people starting to resent her for not doing her job properly when she's there, but also for the fact she's taking extra shifts away from everyone else.
The reason I'm writing about this is because I've been there - I've had some really crappy stuff happen to me over the years, and since I'm only in my early thirties I'm pretty sure there will be more to come as I get older. I made the mistake of making it all about me for too long, and have had to work hard to repair relationships with people who, quite rightly, got sick and tired of hearing about it. It's all too easy to be a victim and people will make allowances for it, for a while, but there comes a point when you have to take charge of whatever situation you're in and turn it around. Offloading your problems onto friends and family is great and I highly recommend it - but only if you are taking turnabout and being the "offloadee" when needed...because your friends are your greatest assets and you need that balance of give-and-take, otherwise they won't be your friends much longer...
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